Chemistry.

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Some looked the same but were not actually the same.

As we sat in the big experimental  lab, white coats on, various bottles and colors, liquids and crystals, the new teacher spoke up for the first time after staring at the back wall for 5 minutes.

"Some can never mix" he said to me breaking my gaze from the bottle of Ether.

Somehow those words got the attention of the whole class.
Were they looking at the bottle or me? I wondered
The teacher strode to the front of the room like a giant, not one about to fall but one who just won a battle.

Bouncing with a smile on his face, he said
"Some would never mix no matter what you do
Some need some extra external force to begin the reaction
Some would cause an explosion if they mix
And some are perfect for each other
They happen before they meet"

I put up my hand and asked the chemistry teacher amidst the smile forming on my face. 'do you believe in chemistry?'

'You mean do I believe in love?' He answered and smiled back

'If love is a reaction' he began taking the pose of a fourth grader reciting Yeats or Shakespeare ' who knows the right constituents?'

Camilla and James exchanged quick smiles and locked hands beneath the lab table.

'If love is a reaction" he continued "who knows what would explode if mixed '

If love is a reaction who knows each individual's 'chemical' properties.

Who knows?

Camila and James exchanged frowns, quickly unlocked hands beneath the table and looked looked away.

The bell rang
The class was dismissed.
A bottle broke as one student tried scrambling to the door not to miss her next class.
That day they didn't hold hands into the hall as usual.
I sat like a stone at my desk pondering these questions.

Make Up [It Poured. It Poured.]

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She walked into the waiting area five minutes after I arrived and we all turned but I was staring long after others  turned back their heads.

Something happened in that moment cause somehow I disappeared right next to pretty doll. And I gulped and said 'your hair. . .' . I gulped again and said 'your face. . .'. I gulped again and said 'your. . .' But then came the rain and we all scampered.

But she made no effort to leave the rain. The shades were full and for the first time I saw a streak of heartbreak on her face.

Is this the first day of the rest of your life?
Are trying to start over again?
She stood right there as it poured down

It poured. It poured.
The water from her face seemed a bit colored.
It poured. It poured.
The face I saw some minutes ago was coming off.
It poured. It poured.
I looked at her again but she tried to hide.
It poured. It poured.
It was then I asked myself, can you truly love without the presence of the rain?

Cause you see my friend, you don't know anyone if you haven't been in the rain with them.
We can choose to look pretty anywhere but there's an undoing that comes with the rain.

So when you're stuck at a bus station with your best dress on. New shoes and your life seems almost perfect and the rain comes down on you.

Hold on and be still. Let the rain wash away your makeup and in that moment embrace the real you be it ugly or beautiful. 

Let the rain remind you of who you really are. Let it humble you. 

And don't forget to give a sheepish smile to the guy who's been checking you out all along cause if he can still love you right in the rain without make up, chase you and come for you after the rain stops, he's something like the real deal.

P.S. - I once saw a lady get angry the other day cause a guy said make-up was unnecessary. What do you think? Was her anger justifiable? Was the guy rather rash in his reasoning? Are there people you really think can't live everyday life without make-up because of very valid reasons?

One more question if you are a lady reading this, Has your make up ever come off in public before? Did you feel humbled?

My twitter handle is @ayostephens I'd like to hear from you.

Parlor.

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The parlor is usually our best place in our houses or rather where we try to make look the best. It's like a museum of sorts and memories we want to remember are locked up in various objects and pictures.

No one places their underwear in their parlor. No one puts the picture of the murderer who destroyed everything amidst the memorabilia. We love to keep it neat and tidy so that the visitors can come in, relax and ask lesser questions.

But the parlor would always tell a story whether we want it to or not.

And in the moment of instant confusion and delusion that leaves us wondering "what exactly am I doing with my life?" the parlor we try so hard to make into an utopia of sorts can become the hospital we need in such moments.

Cause sometimes it's a glimpse of the beautiful things and memories we made in the past on our shelves that remind us how far we've come.

Sometimes it's the fragments of the picture that was shattered as we begged them to stay that reminds us we indeed have the gift of perseverance and are fighters.

Sometimes whatever is on the shelf reminds us of the love we've invested, the grace we've shown and the many we've loved though our parlors might be presently empty. 

So don't box it in. Don;t throw away beautiful things simply because they remind you of the lover that left. On your way to the bin, make a U-turn and place them all back on the shelf and let your healing begin.

P.S.- Something in me argued "NO! it's the toilet" with the first line of this essay. LOL! What part of your house do you try to make look the best? I would love to hear from you :)

The Exorcism. [Close Your Eyes]

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As she screamed out and did a dance, the old man told us to take a step back. He sprinkled some water on her and she reacted like fire touched her skin.

“The sixth one just left her”

“The sixth?”  I asked. I had not seen the first one leaving. “How do you know these things?” I asked with my eyes wide as my gaping jaw.

“Two more to go.” The old man said just as if I had not said anything. “CLOSE YOUR EYES” He suddenly shriek so they don’t come into you”

So unlike Mary there were 8 demons in Susanna and water has done the trick in this case.

Sometimes we obey the exorcist, sometimes we say “who are you to tell me to CLOSE MY EYES?” and somehow both feels wrong.

Cause this is scientifically unexplainable.

Cause this is biblically unexplainable too, as a friend who goes to one of the modern churches once told me.

How do we explain the exorcism?

How do we explain the spiritual?

How do we explain animals becoming humans and humans becoming animals?

What is the explanation for the darkness and the supernatural?

We could act like nothing lies beyond the curtains of the dawn but we know we are trying hard at creating a utopia.

The darkness exists even if we try to dream it out.

The exorcism can occur and the old man can demand we close our eyes.

Then what will our reaction be?

I believe the supernatural is real

I believe the darkness is true

But when your neighbors are performing an exorcism, your level of peace is proportional to the level of truth you believe in. Some things are truer. Some things are realer.

You must know where you stand before you despise the darkness.

That some things happen in your neighborhood and not within your fence doesn't discard them as reality. Water flows from higher grounds to lower grounds.

You must know whose you are before you curse the exorcist who tells you to CLOSE YOUR EYES.

P.S. – 

This is extremely allegorical (names and events don’t mean exactly what they seem to mean. I’m tempted to leave it just like that and let every reader take away what they see but I guess I’m a partial artist so I will give some explanation.

We have a generation of people who despise the supernatural and sacred simply because they don’t understand it. This is not wise.

I love a thought by A.J. Jacobs (Editor at Esquire) after trying to live every nuance and direction in the Jewish old testament for a whole year (yes he tried to live the bible literally for a year). Paraphrasing him;

 Imagine if aliens came from space and saw us blowing off candles on a birthday cake, they will think we are nuts. That you can’t understand it doesn't mean it isn't beneficial. That you can’t comprehend it doesn't mean you shouldn't regard it”

I’m not sure A.J. Jacobs is a person of faith and he has something this profound to say of people and belief.

That said, I have seen some kick a beehive of the supernatural that in the first place had nothing to do with them and got into big trouble. This is not a warning. I am a writer and a lover and share things that come to mind. This is where I am for now. I write some things and it speaks to me too in a profound way and like a reader, I use a knife and fork to make my way through the plate of words too. Please do the same.

As a generation that seeks and is for change, we need to know that every battle brewing in the ‘ neighborhood’ isn't ‘your’ battle. Sometimes we need to close our windows and pray for the trouble to pass and times we need to stand at our door like giants and speak to the darkness.

“The blood of Christ is over this door. And You shall pass this one. I live on a higher ground. The higher determines where the water goes. Go away!”

As I end this I leave you with the words of Dr. Brenda Salter McNeil (a Professor of Cultural Reconciliation Studies @ SPU)

“Our name is not on every problem. We’re not supposed to engage everything. Every place where there is hurt and division and brokenness is not supposed to be my assignment. My job when I come into a community is one, to listen to the people who are there but internally to say to God, God you are at work. You're always working. Help me not to make a move until I discern what you are doing?”

The darkness is real.

But what is God doing?

He’s shining his light.

Calling you and I to be channels.

The darkness is real.

But what are we doing?

For now we need to let go of the urge to argue with the exorcist.

For now we need to surrender to what God is doing.

He's calling us

Do you hear Him?